My share of M&M's

Anyone but you..

2008-12-22T08:24:27Z

You don't have the right to try to set me up with someone.

I didn't want to but now I hate you. For thinking that I'm that worthless. For making me feel so little about myself.

Now I see clearly who you are.

My dad passed away today..

2008-09-27T14:30:29Z

I'm back in Melbourne again after 3 days back in Sydney.

..all my mom wants to do is to go to sleep so he can come to visit her. She wants to know he's close by.

He died in the car when my mom was rushing him to the hospital. They said there wasn't anything he could do.

I was just thinking last night that I missed his 54th birthday in May and Father's day this year.... but he gave me a hug when he dropped me off at the airport last Tuesday and told me I can come home for good if I wanted to.

This morning, he asked my mom if she remembered the first time they met. It was the end of the year in 1972. He told her that she let him "touch her" (as in hold hands in those days) so she HAD to marry him.

I always thought we had another 20 years before we had to deal with losing a parent.. but life is just that fleeting, isn't it?

I need something right now. I need to see him. I need to feel him to make sure it's not a dream.

Tomorrow, perhaps...

Take care of your loved ones. It's too painful....

Decisions

2008-08-05T13:42:15Z

As hard as it is to make one, and as easy it is to regret one.. I'm not going to.

..I moved here for you, and now I'm moving on for me.

I've loved how you made me laugh, but just as I'm not enough for you.. that's not enough for me.

When I start to believe that, I can start to count down til the day I can run away again.

I can't possibly face you and your future without me in it. That's only for the strong and you are one of my most ungracious failures.

As much as I don't want you to be just a part of my past, I know you too well to know I can't be part of your future.

..so just hold on that little longer ..until I can be happy again without you

You have been my comfort, my family and my Sunday solace...

Limbo..

2008-03-13T11:33:25Z

..is not a nice place to be.

In the last month, I've found solace from the uncertainities in my life in the home (and sometimes, arms) of the one who gave me his keys.
So what's the problem?

Love is no longer a possibility.. it's just been bumped into reality.

And what's the problem with that?

He can't decide whether he wants to be with me.

So why did he give me his keys?

...no, I don't have the answer to that one.

The reason..

2008-03-02T01:08:08Z

You probably think the reason why I don't call home is because I don't miss you..

..it's because I miss it too much.

Today came too quickly

2008-02-07T23:37:51Z

I'm leaving for Sydney in a few short hours. Bringing along with me my life in my car. I'm leaving behind the house that I've known for 13 years, the people that I've met in that time and most heartbreakingly, the people who have loved me all my life.

I didn't think being selfish would feel so bad.

I think next time, I'll choose to be left behind.

bluemnm @ 2007-12-08T14:09:00

2007-12-08T03:19:32Z

He is quietly confident on most days and on others, his sadness is heartbreaking.

Now that I know his secret, it's hard to be positive around him. I'm scared one of two things would happen: a) he stays away from me because I'm too happy and it's hard for him to pretend to be or b) he continues with the charade whilst deep inside, he's falling into pieces..all this just because he wants to see me smile.

The downside of people with a past, I suppose..

Enneagram test

2007-09-10T14:01:40Z

I went to an outplacement seminar this past week and the facilitator asked us to do an Enneagram test to determine what kind of jobs we might be picked for based on our personalities.. so I've just googled it and it's actually, surprisingly accurate!

So have a go for yourself!
http://similarminds.com/personality_tests.html

Here are my results..

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Type 2	Helpfulness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 3	Image Focus	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%
Type 4	Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|	18%
Type 5	Detachment	\|\|\|\|	18%
Type 6	Anxiety	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Type 7	Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	58%
Type 9	Calmness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	66%

Your main type is 1
Your variant is social

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

My Nephew

2007-08-28T12:21:31Z

He's such a cutie.... cute cute cute.. this is him in his 1st tux for my sister's wedding in a couple of week's time..

Joining the bug-eye revolution..

2007-08-28T11:32:21Z

I've finally succumbed...

Mid-life crisis is in full-swing...

11 more working days..

2007-07-22T11:01:02Z

.. til the end of an era.

This is my first and only 'real' job thus far. In the blink of an eye, it's been 3.5 years. I still remember when I blogged about getting this job and it's almost over.

The company I work for has been in the news a lot locally and internationally in the past 1.5 years due to endless demerging, restructuring, acquisitions and now an impending takeover. After the 1st wave of corporate restructuring last November, much of the 'fun' has seeped out of the place. In the beginning, people were afraid of losing their jobs so many scrambled for the few that were up for offer - taking paycuts and lower posts just to have a paycheck to bring home over Christmas.

I belong in a different boat to those sad, sad people. I was a different kind of sad. I stuck around waiting for them to make me redundant and when February came and gone, I worked up the courage to ask for it, albeit thanks to a loophole in my contract which I have been conveniently sitting on for 6 months. So I've been told I'm entitled to a redundancy since April but I couldn't leave until August..

August 17th will be my Independence Day. Come celebrate with me :)

Hard times ahead

2007-07-21T06:21:21Z

A good friend of mine has been with her 'one' for just over 1.5 years and for the 1.25 years, they had never fought. I remembered our many conversations contemplating what that means for a relationship. It seemed too good to be true.. it was hard to believe that it's 'real'. It's like fighting needs to be a part of any relationship because that would mean there's honesty as no one is perfect.

Does this apply to friendships too, I wonder.

Z and I have known each other for almost 7 years now. There was a 'something' from when we first met but we were very different people. I was naive, all about fun and he was all about building the career everyone would be envious about. Our friendship stopped in its tracks about 2 years into it. We managed to pick it back up again 2.5 years ago because now, we are still different but he is now more open to discovering what I could offer. And I was probably one of the few who was tolerant of his temper - a very bad one. That said, we never fought. We spent a lot of time together but we never fought. People from the outside questioned the fragility of our friendship but I never did and as far as I knew, neither did he. And then it happened.. the one and only which ended with an unfinished conversation which leads us to today. It's now been 1.5 months. I went from anger to sadness back to anger to finally being indifferent whether this is salvaged or not.

Back in early April, 'Z' and I had been spontaneous and bought these cheap tickets to Sydney and the Gold Coast and we fly in a couple of weeks.

I have been asking myself one question: Should I still go?

What I wanted to say to you..

2007-06-20T12:49:45Z

..if only you would listen.

Because of some traditionalist friend's bullshit advice about male-female relationship can never be platonic and void of jealousy, you are going to give up on our friendship.

Because of his screwed up philosophies about the reason why you haven't found someone is because of me holding you back, because you spend almost every free moment with me, because I was the one you came to discuss your problems and to celebrate your achievements with and therefore you're not out there meeting someone else, you're just going to let go.

It seemed easy how you did and even when you didn't give me the same courtesy, I will give you the benefit of the doubt that you just haven't figured out how backwards his ideas are.

I will wait, for a while at least. If you don't see me, it will be sad, I may cry but soon enough, you will be a distant memory because then, I would realise that you're not worth it.

Advice

2005-09-13T12:45:20Z

What would you do if you knew someone close to you is being unfaithful to their partner?

This is the one time I'm glad she failed

2005-09-11T09:16:42Z

... because this time, it was the difference between life and death

Damaged goods

2005-08-09T11:29:07Z

FRUITCAKE!!! My tea plunger just broke. NO TEAAAAA.. I think I'm gonna *faint*....

</end>

I went boarding and stuff this past 3-day weekend. Now I'm all bruised-up and ready to heal... :\

Curiosity made the cat LOL

2005-08-01T10:30:19Z

Wow! That was a hiatus that was longer than I had expected of myself..

Just came to share something I saw yesterday whilst card shopping. I would have taken pictures but the card was at the front of the store.

It featured a black and white photo of 2 penguins, one behind another with the caption:

"All Gladys wanted to hear Jim say was I love you"

I was curious to see what kind of card it was ie. birthday or get well etc., but behold.. the message inside reads:

"..but all Jim wanted to do was to hear the sound of his balls slapping against Gladys' ass"

bwhahhahahahahhha.. And no, I was NOT in a sex shop! The card's printed and distributed by the same people as the 'Forever Friends' bear cards!!!

Ok..signing out from me.. Til next time.. ZzZzZzZzZ

Mistaken sex-entity

2004-11-22T13:32:38Z

I was packing up - getting ready to leave work on time for once when I received this call:

Me: *department name*, Emille (pronounced as Emily) speaking..

Other lady (OL): Hi, could I speak to 'A-mil' please?

Me: It's 'Emily'.

OL: Oh.. is it? Could I speak to 'Emily' please?

Me: This is Emille speaking.

OL: Oh.. I'm SO sorry about that. I've been corresponding with you for months via e-mail and had been expecting a guy... I'm so sorry..

Me: *chuckles* That's alrite, I get it all the time. Where did u say u were calling from again?

OL: From "insert company name", I'm just chasing up the $200,000 reversal we requested 2 months ago.

--- a few minutes later ---

Me: I'll give you a call back as soon as I find out more about the claim. What did you say your name was again?

OL: Pat..from 'company name'. I'm sorry again about the name...

Me: *thinking* - It's alrite, all this while, I thought you were a guy too.. a 50-something, burly man with a moustache who wears shorts and knee-hi socks with sandals to work..

......just like the guy who works in IT on level 2 :P

BOO!!!!

2004-09-28T08:42:34Z

I'm ALIVE & WELL & BACK for the next 5 mins!

So what's been up? with me?

A house, a mortgage, an overwhelming job, a huge B'day bash with 2 other girls, weekends away, broken down computer and a hell of a lot of fun.. that's in a nut shell

I do miss it here... hope to get back soon! *Fingers crossed* Colin's coming to set everything up for me..I'm sooo ditzy!hahaha ;p

Good nite! *waves*

Hello!

2004-04-29T12:14:24Z

I'm still here, I think.. let me get back to you on that.

I bought a new case for my comp so will be transferring all the parts across when I have the time. Then I'll catch up.. on 7 million years of post so please, post slowly.. :)

Will be back.. Soon.. soon.. soon..

P.S. I have a crush on a guy at work ;P

Short and sweet...

2004-04-12T14:13:59Z

After a 6 week whirlwind romance, would you accept a marriage proposal?

My new hair-do.. everyone seems to <3 it except me. 2 weeks in, I'm hoping it'll grow on me soon. Now I get the 'are-you sure-you're-old-enough-to-drive' look even more often (if that is possible).. *sigh*

With all 2 and a half careers in full swing, thanks to cookiesandcream, I have found serenity in my 'candle corner'. The newest member to my collection is the juniper and frankincense candle which I highly recommend! Enjoy!

Till next time.. goodnite!

Advice..

2004-03-31T14:10:05Z

It has finally happened.. I wasn't entirely ready for it but I guess it was meant to be.

Will post pics of it soon..

So what are your views on inter-office relationships?

bluemnm @ 2004-03-23T23:11:00

2004-03-23T12:13:29Z

What's this? My 2nd post for the month??

Dropping off the face of this planet. Will be back on earth next month perhaps.. or maybe after a visit to Sydney...

Happy Hatchday!!!! ;)

2004-03-01T12:49:38Z

Just got off the phone with my lil' cousins in Malaysia and they brought it to my attention that it's Sandra aka Baby Sandy's Birthday tomorrow! So...

Happy 7th Birthday, Sandy!!!

Isn't she just the cutest????? Her mom said that she's a little 'duh' when she's at school so her mom needs to go to school every recess and copy what the teacher has written on the board that morning for her!haha She also speaks at least 3 languages ...I'm a proud cousin! :)

THE movie..

2004-02-26T13:36:34Z

I'm very eager to go watch The Passion of The Christ now.. just saw a news report interviewing movie-goers in the States who managed to go see it before everyone else.

The most interesting news is that a 50-ish Kansas City woman, Peggy Law aka Peggy Scott (as published by New York Post and Mirror UK), died from a heart-attack while viewing the scene when Jesus was nailed to the cross.

Now that would normally scare the sh*t out of me because I'm one of the most cowardly and hyper-sensitive person I know but it also intrigues me and I'm curious to find out how graphic it really is..

...so I've made plans to go catch it tomorrow nite. *fingers crossed* that I won't have nightmares a la the aftermath of the Japanese 'The Ring' viewing.

I'm a weird creature..but I guess that's what makes me unique.. ;)

www.thepassionofthechrist.com